We have all had moments of utter frustration while parenting where we want to pull our hair out and we think “Seriously?!”. Patient Parenting comes when we do not react but when we take a deep breath and address our children with love and kindness and use these moments to teach. I am sure we can all agree that we also want our children to grow up to be loving, self-respecting, patient parents as well so we use our parenting tools to create a safe and kind environment for our children.
FACTS:
CHILDREN BECOME WHAT WE TELL THEM THEY ARE.
THEY WILL SPEAK TO US AND OTHERS AS WE SPEAK TO THEM.
So never tell a child:
1) “I LOVE YOU BUT I DON’T LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW”. Parents usually say this when what they really mean is “I’m completely frustrated by your behavior right now!”. While it is reasonable to think this you should never express it to your child in a hurtful way. Telling a child you do not like them is hurtful and depresses a child. It does NOT motivate them to behave better. They do not understand the reasoning behind this statement the way an adult can nor do they understand the link between their behavior and your comment. They will walk away thinking that it is the worst thing in the world that their parent does not like them and it will change who they are and who they become. If a behavior is making you frustrated ADDRESS THE BEHAVIOR.
2) “THAT WAS STUPID”. The child hears “You are stupid”. Most likely this parent is frustrated with the outcome of a certain behavior. I heard a parent say this to their child this week and I saw the look of confusion and sadness in the child’s eyes; “Wow if my Mom thinks I’m stupid then I must be.” Remember, children become what you tell them they are, so NEVER use the word stupid! A better, kinder way to approach this child would have been to say ” We need to sit down and come up with a better way for you to remember your homework so that this does not happen again”.
3) “SHUT UP!” This language is rude and hurtful (and, in my opinion, borders on verbal abuse). I can guarantee that you would never use this language at work (where it is deemed inappropriate and rude) so remember we should hold our children’s self-esteem to at least the same level (if not higher) and never use hurtful, close ended words like this with them. There are hundreds of other ways to ask your child to be quiet – “Please settle down”, “We need to use our inside voices”, “Do not talk back or there will be a consequence”, etc. Find a polite one and use it.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent but with a little patience and solid parenting tools we can all do a little better.
Patient Parenting 101 
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