I was reading a popular magazine this weekend and came across an article that I found very interesting. It was about a father who happily “discovered” that if he gave his children the passcode to their computers AFTER they completed their homework the children were more likely to complete the homework right after school and with less complaints. He was also able to end the homework battles and tension in the home.
The reward technique that he “discovered” is actually the basis of Behavior Modification:
A REWARD INCREASES THE FREQUENCY OF THAT BEHAVIOR OCCURRING IN THE FUTURE.
In this case it translates simply into Homework first, then (and ONLY then) you will get access to your computer (your favorite toy or game). Nothing is taken away, no threats are made, no negotiating is done.
How many times have you caught yourself saying “If you do not finish your homework you are not playing XBOX (using the computer, riding your bike, etc)!!” This is a classic technique used by parents that will get little or no results. It may even backfire when your child tells you “That’s fine, I didn’t want to play with my computer today anyway!”. Now you are stuck in the very frustrating loop of negotiating, yelling even begging your child to do their homework – you lost your power, you are frustrated and the homework is STILL not getting done. There is no motivation in this technique. Contrary to what our parents may have believed PUNISHMENT is NOT motivation. BUT if you REWARD the behavior you are looking for the child will respond differently!
Instead of punishing the children if they did not complete their homework he defined a CLEAR, SIMPLE and CONSISTENT house rule: Homework first (behavior), then computer access (reward).
The reward can change. The reward has to be highly motivating for the child and it must be immediate. If one day he is interested in the computer but the next day he wants to ride his bike then you can change the reward: Homework first, then bike ride.
If your child is having trouble getting started or is overwhelmed by the amount of homework that he/she has then you can help him/her and motivate while building his/her confidence at the same time! Use the same technique broken down into more manageable steps: 5 homework questions completed = 5 minutes of access to favorite toy (use a timer so there is consistency). Another 5 questions answered = another 5 minutes of access, and so on.
You will be amazed at the results! (I stole that line from a Diet ad in the same magazine 🙂
Patient Parenting 101 