You may have asked yourself this question many times while raising your child. Or you may have realized instinctively when they were acting out inappropriately (tantrum in grocery store). Either way it helps to understand the definition of acceptable (adaptive) versus unacceptable (maladaptive) behaviors if you are going to address the later in a successful way.
Adaptive behaviors are everyday living skills such as talking, walking, brushing teeth and getting dressed.
Maladaptive behaviors are also known as behavior problems. They are behaviors that interfere with everyday activities.
It is important to remember that our children are not born knowing what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. It is our jobs as parents to teach them.
We teach them in many ways:
1) We show them by our actions (we “model” the correct behavior).
2) We physically teach them everyday skills such as tying their shoes.
3) We interact with families and with other people who share our morals and values.
4) We use discipline and punishment in a loving, respectful and nurturing way when addressing unacceptable (maladaptive) behaviors. There is a big difference between discipline and punishment which I will get into in my next post.
5) We view unacceptable behavior as opportunities to teach acceptable behavior.
There is no doubt that it is a lot of work being a parent. I personally think it is the hardest job on the planet (other than the person who cleans tiger cages at the zoo). However it is also the most rewarding. Once you understand these teaching methods (most of which you have probably already incorporated) you can be sure that you will raise a child who has self-esteem, self-awareness and self-control. Your child will be ready to go out into the world knowing right from wrong and contributing to society and possibly their own families in a loving, respectful and nurturing way.
Please feel free to contact me if you need help further defining adaptive vs. maladaptive behaviors. I would love to hear from you!
Patient Parenting 101 
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