Patient Parenting 101

In order for any child/parent relationship to thrive it requires bonding. Bonding is the emotional mutual connection between a parent and child based on unconditional love. Unconditional love is a love you feel regardless of the child’s abilities, actions or accomplishments. It is different from a love that you may have for a spouse – in a marriage you have conditions for happiness and growth (you may not cheat on me, lie to me, abuse me or buy me cubic zirconia) – it is built on deep love, respect and healthy conditions.

Unlike a spousal relationship, a parent/child relationship does not have conditions (you will feel and express love for your child even when they misbehave, talk back, shove legos into the DVD player and/or shave the dog – again). This requires a strong connection of love, affection and understanding.

Signs of healthy bonding with your child:

There are ways in which you can know whether you and your child share a bonded relationship. Some of the signs of healthy bonding are:

• You have genuine interest in your child and his/her activities.
• You hold and touch your child tenderly and affectionately.
• Your child develops the confidence to take independent decisions.
• Your child feels secure and comfortable.
• Your child has a great sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Building a healthy bond:

The following are some of the methods that you can employ to build a natural, healthy bond with your child:

• Touch your child lovingly and tenderly.
• Talk to your child as much as possible.  Always make eye contact.
• Do not expect your child to act like an adult.  Remember their age.
• Forgive them and teach them the right way to do things.
• Encourage your child to build a circle of friends.
• Listen and acknowledge your child’s problems. They may seem trivial to you but they are not to your child.
• Allow your child to be his or her own person.
• Do not force your views on your child.
• Encourage independent thinking and problem solving.

A strong bond is the foundation on which your child will build his or her life. It is never too late to build a strong bond (or buy another DVD player).

Posted in Bonding