I have started this blog to share some (at least what I consider to be) valuable and professional information with you free of charge! Yay free stuff!!
I witness parents struggling everyday with the most basic parenting skills: communication, discipline, homework, puberty, schedules, meal time, etc. I have been there too.
As a Parent Coach and Behavior Therapist I have been able to collect useful information over the last few years and apply helpful hints regarding these very important parenting issues to my own son. And the good news is that there IS a better way!
If you read my posts you will begin to see a “pattern” or “style” to the parenting techniques. This is “the better way”. It is calm, assertive and consistent. It is always loving and respectful. It can be applied by anyone – parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, even Grandparents (yes it’s true!) – to establish and maintain parental control and a happy home.
Enjoy!
Patient Parenting 101 
So excited to find this today! Maybe you can help. My 6 yr old daughter. Sweet, smart, loving child. Doing well in 1st grade no issues at school. She had an IEP for developmental delays (speech, motor skills) but really has “caught up” and is in mainstream 1st grade class with no aid (last year she did 1/2 day mainstream 1/2 day special ed). The problem is once or 3 times a day she has a major meltdown/blow up. The triggers are impossible to avoid because the most innane thing can set it off. Today it was over which parent drove her to school. The tantrum will last roughly 10 – 20 minutes then she goes on like nothing ever happened. I have found patiently trying to get her to calm down and talk about her feelings seems to “work” a smidge better than screaming at her or threatening her with punishment if she doesn’t stop (that only makes it worse really). Any suggestions on how to make these tantrums go away?
Hi! First, Congratulations on your daughter’s progress! That is great news indeed!
Tantruming is a very common problem for families and I will certainly address tantrums very soon in a post but I need some more information to answer your specific question:
Does she lash out aggressively toward others or participate in any SIBs (self injurious behaviors) while tantruming?
No SIBs. As for lash out aggressively…I would say not physically..once in a while she might slap at her mother or I but that stops immediately…she knows that is always wrong. She usually just becomes very obstinate and does the “dead leg” thing and won’t do ANYTHING she is asked to until the tantrum is over.
Thanks.
Your response and the absence of aggression and/or SIBs make this behavior even easier to manage. Tantrums are common among children of all ages (I have even been known to throw an occasional tantrum when my husband hogs the TV for 14 straight hours to watch football 😉 The type of tantrum that you are describing is very easy to eradicate. More often than not a tantrum is an attention seeking behavior. With that being said the best way to stop a tantrum in its tracks it to IGNORE it.
Steps:
1) make sure your child is in a safe place (so they cannot injure themselves and/or others).
2) DO NOT ENGAGE the child in ANY WAY (this means no eye contact, no talking, no verbal direction or negotiating, do not try to “talk them down” – this actually feeds the tantrum and will make it last longer).
3) If they leave their bedroom, time out corner or area (spot on the lawn or kitchen floor where they began behavior) in the throes of a tantrum you can point (or gesture) them back to their safe spot. You should then leave that area so they cannot and do not have your physical attention.
Taking the attention away will diffuse a tantrum 100% of the time. With that being said I should mention that the first two or three times you employ this modification the tantrum may become worse (the child will be confused by this new tactic and may test the waters even more). But once they realize that you are holding your ground the tantrum behavior should subside and/or stop completely.
Remember all techniques described are employed with love and respect. It may not seem like it when all hell is breaking loose but these are teaching moments. You are actually helping your child by ignoring them in this case. You are teaching your child that a tantrum is not an acceptable, productive behavior.
I would love for you to let me know how this works for you. I just received a report from one of my families that their child has gone from 9-10 tantrums a day to only one after using this technique for only a week!
Thank you for your question! Hope to talk to you again soon!
Thanks..I will keep you posted!